Apparently JD Salinger has died.
Although I didn't like "Catcher in the Rye" as much as every one said I should, his literary talent was immense, and his influence just as much so.
I also admired his ability to just sort of disappear for the last thirty years or whatever, just giving a middle finger to the rest of the world.
Anyway, good luck Mr. Salinger.
So, last Friday, like a bajillion celebrities got together to host the Hope for Haiti Now fundraiser.
Leonardo DiCaprio was there:
Oh, and so were Justin Timberlake and Bradley Cooper:
And so was...Jared Leto?
How pissed would you be if you called the fundraiser, hoping to speak with George Clooney or Julia Roberts or Jack Nicholson, and you ended up with Jared Leto?
Jared Leto: "Hey I'm Jared Leto, I'm here to man one of the phones?"
Show Producer: "Oh...hey Jared Leto. Did you get an invitation?"
JL: "Um, yeah. I'm sure I have it here somewhere." (pretends to look for invitation in jacket) "Looks like I left it at home."
SP: "Damn it...alright look: you can sit up on the stage, but don't look at Mr. Clooney."
Plus, did he think it was some sort of Harry Potter-themed fundraiser?
Many will say this year's New York Jets were a fluke, their playoff run a confluence of overrated teams and two defensive players (Darrelle Revis and Jim Leonhard).
In my opinion, though, the Jets will be even better next year.
From an offensive standpoint, the Jets are barely scratching the surface of their potential. Yes they had the number one rushing offensive in the NFL this year, but that doesn't include Leon Washington, who broke his fibula in October. Even if Thomas Jones isn't re-signed, Shonn Greene shows that he can not only shoulder Jones' down-the-field running style, but can also run laterally, something Jones was not as good at.
The reemergence of Washington also allows Jerricho Cotchery to return exclusively to offense, instead of also taking kickoff returns.
At the beginning of the season, Mark Sanchez showed brilliant talent. He was the NFL Rookie of the Month for September, and he led the Jets to a 3-0 start. Then October hit, and he was a train wreck for the rest of the season. What the playoffs prove, though, is that Sanchez can effectively lead a team, provided he doesn't turn the ball over. Remember- Sanchez only started 13 games while at USC, so this was only his second full season leading a team other than his high school squad.
As for defense, it's incredible that the Jets defense was able to gel so quickly with Rex Ryan's schemes. The number one defense in the NFL can only get better next year, with the return of four-time Pro Bowler Kris Jenkins.
My 2010-2011 prediction: 11-5, AFC East Champions
First off, some sad news: the founder of Taco Bell died this week. The happy news: somehow this book was written at one point about his meteoric rise to the top of the cheap Mexican world:
Then there is this soul-destroying, adrenaline rush-inducing, American flag-waving pre-game warm-up video from the University of Alaska-Fairbanks' hockey team.
Do you like polar bears destroying ships with hockey sticks? How about polar bears wearing aviators and flying fighter jets? Who the hell doesn't?
Everyone loves Jersey Shore. This is a statement, not an opinion.
So why wouldn't you want to have your very own autographed DJ Pauly D poster? That's right, for only $19.99 (or $29.99 for a personalized message) you can be the proud owner of a signed DJ Pauly D poster!
Maybe you'd like one of sensitive Pauly D:
Or sassy, playful Pauly D:
Maybe shirtless Pauly D is more your speed:
Well whatever your tastes, you can get them all here. They make the perfect Valetine's Day present.
Sorry about the poor image quality. The fine folks at mtvdjpaulyd.com had the smallest thumbnails ever.
Seriously...I started watching Season One of 24 last night, and I've now watched six hours. Yes, six of the past 24 hours of my own life have been dedicated to a television show. (And yes, there is a "24 hours/ 24 the show" joke in there, I'm just too fried on patriotism and awesomeness to even think about).
How have none of you demanded that I watch this show before? My god! In the first six hours of the shittiest day you can imagine, Jack Bauer has:
1.) cut off a guy's finger,
2.) lost a daughter,
3.) gained a wife,
4.) broken someone out of jail,
5.) broken into a building,
6.) immediately facilitated the murder of a cop,
and wow that was exhausting.
Anyway, badass. Like "if this guy somehow walks on water or starts turning a basket of fish and bread into a cafeteria full of it I won't be surprised" badass.
It also makes me want to become a counter-terrorism expert. But when I Googled "counter-terrorism expert journalism" all that came up was a GIF of Jack Bauer saying "You're not good enough" over and over again. And I was okay with that.
So the world's most expensive ham went on sale in London Monday, blah, blah, $3,000, blah, blah, comes with a DNA certificate, blah, blah, fed only on acorns or something.
ANYWAY, how awesome is this ad for the ham? A few observations:
- Did they steal the set/font of a 1970's era porno?
- Did they mistakenly use a really old, dried out ham instead of this:
-How great is it that the foot is still on the ham? It looks like they just lopped the pig's leg clear off.
To get serious for a second, one of my former Gazette colleagues, Andrew Ujifusa, is climbing onto the USNS Comfort, a naval hospital ship, and heading to Haiti this morning.
He'll be reporting on the devastation of the island, and could use your help.
If you know anyone in Haiti, or have any connections to the island at all, please leave them in the comments below or e-mail Andrew at firstname.lastname@example.org.
Andrew is one of the best reporters I've ever met, so please help him if you can.
Okay okay I know I've harped about this Conan thing, but I found this collection of some of his old bits and I thought it was worth sharing. RIP Conan.
UPDATE: Conan announced tonight that he was selling The Tonight Show on Craigslist. Check out the ad here.
People of Earth:
In the last few days, I’ve been getting a lot of sympathy calls, and I want to start by making it clear that no one should waste a second feeling sorry for me. For 17 years, I’ve been getting paid to do what I love most and, in a world with real problems, I’ve been absurdly lucky. That said, I’ve been suddenly put in a very public predicament and my bosses are demanding an immediate decision.
Six years ago, I signed a contract with NBC to take over The Tonight Show in June of 2009. Like a lot of us, I grew up watching Johnny Carson every night and the chance to one day sit in that chair has meant everything to me. I worked long and hard to get that opportunity, passed up far more lucrative offers, and since 2004 I have spent literally hundreds of hours thinking of ways to extend the franchise long into the future. It was my mistaken belief that, like my predecessor, I would have the benefit of some time and, just as important, some degree of ratings support from the prime-time schedule. Building a lasting audience at 11:30 is impossible without both.
But sadly, we were never given that chance. After only seven months, with my Tonight Show in its infancy, NBC has decided to react to their terrible difficulties in prime-time by making a change in their long-established late night schedule.
Last Thursday, NBC executives told me they intended to move the Tonight Show to 12:05 to accommodate the Jay Leno Show at 11:35. For 60 years the Tonight Show has aired immediately following the late local news. I sincerely believe that delaying the Tonight Show into the next day to accommodate another comedy program will seriously damage what I consider to be the greatest franchise in the history of broadcasting. The Tonight Show at 12:05 simply isn’t the Tonight Show. Also, if I accept this move I will be knocking the Late Night show, which I inherited from David Letterman and passed on to Jimmy Fallon, out of its long-held time slot. That would hurt the other NBC franchise that I love, and it would be unfair to Jimmy.
So it has come to this: I cannot express in words how much I enjoy hosting this program and what an enormous personal disappointment it is for me to consider losing it. My staff and I have worked unbelievably hard and we are very proud of our contribution to the legacy of The Tonight Show. But I cannot participate in what I honestly believe is its destruction. Some people will make the argument that with DVRs and the Internet a time slot doesn’t matter. But with the Tonight Show, I believe nothing could matter more.
There has been speculation about my going to another network but, to set the record straight, I currently have no other offer and honestly have no idea what happens next. My hope is that NBC and I can resolve this quickly so that my staff, crew, and I can do a show we can be proud of, for a company that values our work.
Have a great day and, for the record, I am truly sorry about my hair; it’s always been that way.
Remember OK Go? The guys who made the the video where they were hopping around on treadmills? Well they're back, with a video that's just as entertaining.
-the Notre Dame marching band!
I'm going to try and embed it below, but if that doesn't work, go here.
So, The New York Times is reporting that (due to affiliate pressure) the Jay Leno Show is going to be moved back to 11:35 p.m., The Tonight Show with Conan O'Brien will move to 12:05 a.m., and Late Night with Jimmy Fallon will move to 1:05 a.m.
To this I say "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO."
Jay Leno- You are not funny, and your influence on NBC is nothing but detrimental.
Also, what would this mean for poor Carson Daly? Does his show get pushed to 2:05 a.m.? Or (hopefully) canceled? Maybe he'll just be a lead in for The Today Show.
Dear Leap Year,
Despite being clearly geared towards the "bored, single 36-year-old woman" demographic, your trailers have appeared over and over again during NFL games this fall.
I'll forgive this if you'll answer a few simple questions:
1.) As a film called "Leap Year," why are you being released in January?
2.) As a film called "Leap Year," why are you being released in 2010?
Hugs and Kisses,