Bradford Pearson

13 Word Review: Adventureland

Adventureland (2009)
Directed by Greg Mottola
Starring Jesse Eisenberg and Kristen Stewart

Perfectly captures what it's like moving back home. Quickly skyrocketing favorite movie list.

Up next in the Netflix queue: Alien

The Rock and Roll Hall of Fame is worth about as much as a used bandage

Each year around this time, the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame nominees are announced, and, each year around this time, I’m invariably disappointed with the crop.

The qualifications are simple: put out your first album 25 years ago or longer. Seriously, that’s it. It has to be, right? Why else would LL Cool J and ABBA be on this year’s list?

This year’s nominees also include: The Stooges, Red Hot Chili Peppers, KISS, Donna Summer, The Hollies, The Chantels, Jimmy Cliff, Genesis, Darlene Love, and Laura Nyro. And the worst thing about it? Five of these nominees HAVE to get it. It’s not like the Baseball Hall of Fame, where one or even no people can be inducted.

So groups like The Chantels and singers like Laura Nyro get nominated, while bands like The Smiths, Stevie Ray Vaughn, Sonic Youth, and Joy Division will probably never get inducted? I could really go on forever on this, but it just makes me so angry.

And to top it all off, the only nominated group/artist who truly deserves to be in ANY Hall of Fame-The Stooges- will probably never be inducted.

I started out writing this post thinking I would outline each nominated artist, their chances of getting into the Hall of Fame, and my thoughts on their work. That plan has obviously come off the rails.

So who do you think should be in the Hall of Fame? And in case I haven’t made myself abundantly clear, I do NOT think the Red Hot Chili Peppers should be in the Hall of Fame. Wearing a sock on your dick doesn't make you clever, it makes you ridiculous.

My Case For: the new Backstreet Boys album

So. There’s a new Backstreet Boys album. October 6. This is Us.

Back in high school, I was a closet fan. It’s not like I owned the albums or anything, but “I Want It That Way” was undeniably an awesome song.

Harmony? Check.

Killer bridge? Absolutely.

Acapella opening verse? Yes, yes, yes.

So when I heard that Backstreet was back (ha!) I actually kind of got excited. Ok, maybe morbidly interested is a better way to put it. But boy bands always served their place in pop music, and BSB (embarrassed that I just typed that) filled a niche, and a very lucrative one at that.

Sure, Kevin wasn’t back (he’s 37, which apparently is over-the-hill in boyband-ese), but it seemed like, in a weird way, that a piece of me from 10 years ago was back. Minus the bowl cut, which I could bring back relatively easily.

ANYWAY the new album has tracks with Lady Gaga, Ne-Yo, and T-Pain, so it can’t be that bad, right? Right?

And yes, I realize I’m writing this the same week that Pavement announced they were getting back together. But, to tell you the truth, I really don’t care about that as much as I should. (Indie God comes and takes away Brad’s credibility.)

Friday Funhouse: Wedding edition

My cousin Katherine is getting married today. As such, I probably won't be posting much the next couple days. That and there's an open bar.

First look at the new A-Team logo

My initial thoughts:

1.)It looks like an art school project.
2.)Are those letters pink?
3.)Who cares, it looks pretty bad ass.

Pre-production on the movie—starring Bradley Cooper (what ISN'T he in now?), Jessica Biel, Liam Neeson, and Quinton 'Rampage' Jackson—began earlier this month. It's set for a June release.

Your thoughts?

My first foray into podcasts, aka I hate my own voice

Last night I was lucky enough to be the second guest on Ross Gianfortune's burgeoning "Albums That I Own" podcast, a sort-of hodgepodge of cultural references, embarrassing stories, and, occasionally, actually talking about albums that Ross and his guests own.

Anyway, if you feel like listening to me talk for an hour (you can stop at any point, though I suggest listening to the whole thing if you reaaaaaalllllyyyyy like me), click on Episode Three in the below player. Or as I prefer to call it, the below playa.

We chat about, among other things: The Real World, Costco, Friday Night Lights, Pavement/Broken Social Scene/thatKornvideowheretheyblowupcars, and child molester Scoutmasters. It was an interesting hour.

Oh, and the second part of our interview will be posted next week. You can visit Ross's sites here and here and here.

When you care too much about your team

Seriously, guy, you look like an absolute baby.

Readers: come for the video, stay for the Chris Fowler commentary. He basically makes fun of this kid for three straight minutes.

College football: turning men into babies since, um, whenever college football started.


via @BrendanPrunty

My Case For: Instant macaroni and cheese

In 1802, President Thomas Jefferson served a dish at the White House that would soon change the course of American history: macaroni and cheese.

One hundred and thirty five year later, in 1937, Kraft introduced the American public to macaroni and cheese at its highest form: instant macaroni and cheese. Orange and slimy, the meal should’ve sucked. It didn’t in 1937 (presumably), and it still doesn’t.

It’s versatile!
-Side dish
-Cut up some hot dogs, add some peas, and POOF dinner
-Hell, serve it next to a slice of apple pie for dessert

It’s delicious!
-In the list of orange foods, it ranks above cooked carrots and candy corn, but only falls short of, um, oranges.
-Stack it up against restaurant-grade macaroni and cheese, and I’ll take the instant every day of the week, and twice on Easter.

It’s cheap!
-Whenever you can get two meals for 99 cents, and you’re not standing in line at Taco Bell, consider it a win.

The only thing going against it is this creepy guy:

Anyway, I know you think it sucks. You probably haven’t eaten it in years, thinking it’s for kids, and that you’d rather have the lobster and cheddar mac ‘n cheese at your local freaking gastropub. But the next time you’re in the grocery store, swallow your pride and throw a box in your cart.

Delonte West, once again making Saint Joseph's proud

PLUS
PLUSPLUSPLUSPLUSEQUALS

Defendant Information
Defendant Name: WEST, DELONTE MAURICE
Race: BLACK, AFRICAN AMERICAN
Sex: M Height:603 Weight:190 DOB:07/26/1983
Address: 8805 CHARM CT.
City: BRANDYWINE State:MD Zip Code:20613 - 0000

Charge and Disposition Information
(Each Charge is listed separately. The disposition is listed below the Charge)
Charge No: 001Description:HANDGUN ON PERSON
Statute: CR.4.203Description:HANDGUN ON PERSON
Amended Date: CJIS Code:1 5212MO/PLL:Probable Cause:
Incident Date From: 09/17/2009 To: 09/17/2009

Charge No: 002Description:HANDGUN ON PERSON
Statute: CR.4.203Description:HANDGUN ON PERSON
Amended Date: CJIS Code:1 5212MO/PLL:Probable Cause:
Incident Date From: 09/17/2009 To: 09/17/2009

Some fun facts from the police report:

-Delonte cut off a police officer while on I-95. Apparently, he did not see the officer, despite the fact that he must have passed him mere seconds ago.

-The shotgun was carried in a guitar case SLUNG ACROSS HIS BACK. Antonio Banderas must be very proud (kudos to Jesse B. for that joke).

The Hawk Will Never Die! Not with that weapons cache at least.

For more info, go here.

Friday Funhouse: Average Homeboy

Just a white guy trying to make it in this crazy rap world.

For more information on Denny Blazin Hazen, visit his Web site. Oh and you can purchase that lovely music video for only $20, plus shipping and handling. Christmas is less than 100 days away.

Thanks Charlie S. for the link!

Fat kid loves bacon---REMIX

Yes, I realize that three of my past nine posts revolve around bacon.

I ask you this, though: is there anything you'd rather have this blog focused on than delicious bacon?

The KFC Double Down sandwich, or, The Apocalypse

Jim Gaffigan has a joke that goes something like this:

You know what’d be good on this burger? A ham sandwich. Instead of a bun, let’s use two donuts. That way we can have it for breakfast. Look out McGriddle. Here comes the donut-ham-hamburger!

A ridiculous idea, right? Wrong. Apparently, some crack-addict intern at Kentucky Fried Chicken heard Gaffigan's bit, thought "Hmmm" then created a sandwich that used TWO FRIED CHICKEN BREASTS INSTEAD OF BUNS.

A fat man's dream, a cardiologist's nightmare.

Okay, so here's the basic recipe: two fried chicken breasts, bacon, a slice of Swiss cheese, a slice of pepper jack cheese, and Colonel Sauce. Yes, the healthiest item on this sandwich is a sauce of unknown origin and flavor, and an indescribable color.

It's known as the KFC Double Down, and it's being piloted in restaurants (I use that term lightly) in Omaha, Nebraska and Providence, Rhode Island. Apparently Colonel Sanders thought the fine folks of both those cities needed a few more trips to the emergency room.

And now we come to the name: KFC Double Down. Is this some sort of play on down/feathers? Gambling?

Boss: "We need a name for this new sandwich. And Whopper is already taken."

Intern: "What about the Mother Clucker?"

Boss: "Get out of my office."

Intern doubles over in fear that he's just lost his lucrative chicken internship.

Boss: "Look at you, you're all doubled over down there. Doubled...down....there....EUREKA."

New Vampire Weekend album

Who: Vampire Weekend
What: their new album, "Contra"
When: Jan 12, 2010
Where: Um, everywhere?
Why: Because it's been too damn long since their last one!
How: I imagine the sounds they created will be recorded, then transmitted via various means until they finally each your ears.

Thoughts?

13 Word Review, bonus edition: The Godfather

The Godfather (1972)
Directed by Francis Ford Coppula
Starring Marlon Brando and Al Pacino

Really a fantastic film. Except...speak up Godfather! Captain Mumbles up in here!

Still up next in the Netflix queue: Adventureland

Kanye West, jackass of the moment

We interrupt our usually scheduled "My Case For:" to bring you stunning news: Kanye West is a jackass.

Now, Kanye, you know you're my boy. But jumping on stage while Taylor Swift is receiving her VMA for Best Female Video and proclaiming that Beyonce should have won? Uncalled for.

(Ok, yeah, this video got taken down pretty quickly by Viacom. Just search for it on YouTube; I'm sure someone else has put it up by now.)
In reality, yes, Beyonce should have won. Her video for "Single Ladies" was fantastic. But to steal the spotlight from a 19-year-old girl during one of the shining moments of her life? Poor form.

And yes, I am biased. I love Taylor Swift. Also, I realize this post means that I'm admitting that I watched the VMAs.

Update: From Aziz

Friday Funhouse: Proud to be an American edition

In second grade someone asked me what my favorite song was. Before the person even finished asking, I said "Proud to be an American, by Lee Greenwood." No doubt about it.

What Michael Phelps looks like when he eats an omelet

Place: Metropolitan Coffee Bar, Baltimore

Time: 1ish, Sunday afternoon

My first reaction when Michael Phelps walks into the place: "Who's this lanky douche with the sideways hat?"

My next reaction: "That's American hero Michael Phelps."

Third reaction: "U-S-A. U-S-A." This reaction is squashed by my girlfriend and other tablemates.

Fourth reaction: I sent Michael Phelps a Facebook message a few months back. It went something like this...

Dear Michael Phelps,

My roommates and I are having an awesome party in Baltimore this weekend. You're invited. Message me for the address.

Your friend and fan, Brad Pearson

I begin to wonder why he didn't even message me back, and whether I should say something to him. I am then distracted by my...

Fifth reaction: "I wonder if he'll pick up our check."

Sixth reaction: "Damn, why didn't Michael Phelps pick up our check?"

Final reaction: "U-S-A. U-S-A."

Photo courtesy of Bertronium. Dan B. is on the left, and that's my incredibly defined forearm on the right.

Between Two Ferns with Zach Galifianakis

By now, I hope most of you have enjoyed the "Between Two Ferns" sketches Zach Galifianakis has been producing for Funny or Die the past two years or so. If you haven't, now is a perfect chance to catch up.

His most recent video, a beautiful interview with Academy Award winner Charlize Theron, was posted yesterday. Enjoy.

13 Word Review: Taxi Driver

Taxi Driver (1976)
Directed by Martin Scorsese
Starring Robert De Niro

People say this movie is too violent. Well, it is, but who cares?

Up next in the Netflix queue: Adventureland.

Little kid goes crazy over bacon

Mmm. Bacon. The great equalizer.

If a sandwich is bland, add some bacon.

Tired of just boring, healthy vegetables in your salad? Crumble on some pork fat.

Instead of bananas in your cereal, try a little bacon.

Anyway, this fat kid can't live without his bacon. Amen brother.

Anyone else think this kid is incredibly well-spoken for a child of his age? Maybe he's onto something with this bacon diet.

Friday Funhouse: Aziz Ansari

I love Aziz. That's about all you need to know about today's links.

First up is Aziz's remix over Jay-Z and Kanye's track "Hate" from The Blueprint 3. Pitch perfect parody.

Jay Kanye Hate (aziz ansari mix) -

Next is another installment from RAAAAAAAANDY! Again, perfect.

I've also professed my love for Aziz here and here.

It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia: Sept. 17

Two weeks to go boys and girls, until the season premiere of It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia.

SOOOOOO.....until then, here are some of the trailers and commercials for the upcoming season.




Oh and for Saint Joseph's alums (or those who forgot) they shot a scene on campus this year. Here's hoping that they maybe destroyed Bellarmine Hall in the process.

The 2009-2010 Barely Legal fantasy football champions

Had my final fantasy draft of the season last night. Here’s how it shook out.

FYI: This is a points-per-reception league, so I tried to stock up on reception-heavy running backs and wide receivers.

QB- Matt Schaub
Someone has to throw the ball to Andre Johnson, right? Also, with Steve Slaton coming into his second year I think defenses will have to focus more on him coming out of the backfield, opening up Schaub’s passing lanes.

RB1- Matt Forte
Beast. My #1 pick because of his receptions. Plus the fact that he’ll benefit from Cutler being in town.

RB2- Marion Barber
There isn’t one running back in the league that I would fear coming at me more than Barber. And that includes Brandon Jacobs.

WR1-Roddy White
Reception machine. Hopefully will benefit from some maturity in Matt Ryan.

Side note: Does any team have a better QB-RB-WR-TE combo than Atlanta? Ryan, Michael Turner, White, and Tony Gonzalez. That’s like when the four kids who hit puberty early were on the same recess kickball team in fifth grade.

WR2- T.J. Houshmandzadeh
A healthy Matt Hasselback will be the key.

TE- John Carlson
All the top-tier TEs were gone, so I waited a while and got Carlson. Pretty happy with the value I got this late in the draft.

RB/WR Flex- Antonio Bryant or Ray Rice

Depending on the defense I’ll start one of those two. Very happy I picked up Rice in the seventh round. Catches a lot of balls out of the backfield, and word is that the RB1 job is his to lose.

D/ST- Miami Dolphins
Who cares.

K-Kris Brown
Not even picture worthy.

Bench- Darren Sproles, Derrick Mason, Josh Morgan, Rashard Mendenhall, Chad Pennington, Shonn Greene
Had to pick up a Jet, so I went with Greene in the 15th round. I’d be giddy if it was a keeper league, but for now I’m just sufficiently beaming.

It's still real to me dammit

Wow. Just...wow.

To set the stage, this is a man at a seemingly empty middle-school gymnasium, listening to professional wrestlers talk. Which I imagine is just as embarrassing as it sounds.

My favorite part is when the one wrestler says "Take it easy man." Truly a man of the fans.

Do yourself a favor and spend the next 30 seconds watching this.

UPDATE: Apparently this guy is pretty well-known in the professional wrestling circuit, and started his own Web site.


Lex Luger!

13 Word Review: Run Ronnie Run

Run Ronnie Run (2002)
Directed by Troy Miller
Starring David Cross

The worst thing Bob Odenkirk and David Cross ever created. Like Gigli bad.

Up next in the Netflix queue: Taxi Driver