c/o Minnesota Vikings
900 South 5th Street
Dear Mr. Favre,
Hey! It’s Brad Pearson! You remember me right? I was the guy screaming with joy from my Maryland apartment when the New York Jets signed you August 7, 2008.
Yes, yes, the guy who yelled “Finally!” and immediately Googled “Brett Favre + God +franchise savior+ sexy gray beards.”
And yes, this is the same Brad Pearson who went bananas in Week Four when you threw six touchdowns against the (eventual NFC Champion) Cardinals.
So, how ya been?
I’ve been great. You know why? BECAUSE YOU’RE GONE.
While your predecessor Chad Pennington was singlehandedly leading the Dolphins to the playoffs, you were singlehandedly dismantling a playoff-caliber team. Thomas Jones had a career year, and Dustin Keller and Leon Washington became two of the most exciting young players at their respective positions.
Sure the defense had some/wascompletelyfullof holes, but they needed a leader, and you weren’t there.
And now, after a summer of throwing button hooks to high school players in Biloxi, you’re in Minneapolis. Sage Rosenfels and Tarvaris Jackson (if he doesn’t get cut) will put on a happy face, say they’re honored to learn from one of the greatest players of all time, and quietly sit on the bench while you throw from your back foot into triple-coverage.
Me? I’ll be sitting on my couch, watching my 7-9 Jets. And you know what? I won’t care they’re 7-9, BECAUSE YOU’RE GONE.
P.S.- I would like you to return that “BP + BF =BFF” needlepoint I sent you.