3.24.2009

$5 Foot longs VS. $4 Torpedos= DEATH MATCH


If you have a TV, you’ve seen the commercials for Subway’s $5 foot-long. The song has undoubtedly gotten stuck in your head, prompting you to sing it in the shower or stare, shell-shocked, at a karaoke DJ when he doesn’t have “That $5 foot-long song” on that tiny TV he lugs around with him.

Well, it seems there’s another horse in town. Not content to let Subway dominate the $5 and under sandwich market, Quiznos is now offering their $4 Toasty Torpedo. Not quite the ring of $5 foot-long, but I’m sure they’ll come up with something soon enough.

The catch, though, is that the sandwich is both cheaper and (here’s the kicker) AN INCH LONGER. That’s right folks, if 12 inches of processed, water-added, boiled-down-to-muck roast beef and a slathering of “au jus” just isn’t enough to satisfy your midday hunger pains, stumble over to Quiznos, where they’ll be sure to give you that little bit extra to get you through your day.

Seriously, though, I imagine the madness ending something like this (use movie trailer voice-over voice when reading this section):

In a galaxy far, far away, Jared from Subway will meet, in an epic death match, those little singing Quiznos rat/hamster hybrids. Jared’s weapon of choice? A 12-inch sub roll. The rats? A 13-inch sub roll. May the best deal win...THE WORLD.

Or, they could both undersell each other to the point where each sub will be, like, a dollar and the two companies will go out of business. I like the first scenario better.

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Posted by Bradford Pearson at 3:03 PM

9 comments:

  1. that is my all time favorite ad campaign.
    have you seen the original spongmonkeys?
    http://www.rathergood.com/moon_song
    brilliant.
    but i digress ... have you tried a quizno's yet?
    i saw the commercial last night, and that might just be the ticket to get them into our highly prized lunch rotation.

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  2. "I want you to do something"
    "Not doin' that again. That burned"
    "We both enjoyed that."

    INAPPROPRIATE! And I noticed that there's two version of the same commercial, but they only play the one with the sexual innuendos after 10. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l4mUx5olgbc
    Way to be dirty, Quiznos.

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  3. Those rat/hampster things... Don't health inspectors usually work to keep things like those away from sub shops?

    And those eyes haunt me to this day.

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  4. I vote for Billy Wu's hot roast beef sangwich served up by Mrs. Wu from the sketchy crockpot!

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  5. Hot damn! $3.99 for an Italian hoagie, plus 99 cents for a Arizona Iced Tea tallboy! OOOOOOeeeee!

    Just found this from our beloved Hawk...

    http://media.www.sjuhawknews.com/media/storage/paper763/news/2009/02/18/News/Economic.Downturn.The.View.From.Hawk.Hill.Moon.Continues.To.Attract.Students.To-3634057.shtml

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  6. Despite the competition on whose commercial is better, McDanold's is thriving these days. I hear people criticizing McDonald's all the time, yet it still is number one! Of course, that doesn't mean I like their food. I think their burger sucks! I love Burger King :P

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  7. F Subway. I want the old cut:
    http://tinyurl.com/cvexer

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  8. Of course, Subway and Quizno's were running the same deal for the longest time, which was $5 foot longs on a limited number of subs. Quizno's has gone out of its way to spend probably millions of dollars on a new bread, just to battle a Subway promotion that is for a limited time only. I still like Quizno's better, but their quality, along with the quantity, has suffered with expansion over the last five years.

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  9. I'd like to point out that the VS format received the most comments yet! You're welcome.

    Also I have never loved anything the way I love the Quizno Rats.

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