Bradford Pearson: Senior Slide

2.27.2009

Senior Slide

Last fall, 73-year-old Ken Mink was the toast of the town. Instead of retiring to a life of non-contact sports like shuffleboard and lawn darts Boca Raton, he strapped on some knee pads and short shorts and hit the gym.
He eventually made the basketball team at Roane State Community College, in tiny Harriman, Tenn., 50 miles west of Knoxville, and even scored two points in a game earlier this season. Then, earlier this week, he was ruled academically ineligible because in lieu of a Spanish class he was "having trouble in," he enrolled in a online course in the always reputable, never-fail Strayer University. Well, that credit didn't transfer, and now his team's screwed: they have to forfeit their last game.
And all this could have been avoided, keeping the feel-good story complete, if Mink had done just one thing:cheated.
Kenny. C'mon. You're 73, do you think anyone's going to rat you out for looking over their shoulder during un pequeno examen? And even if you didn't have the (albeit probably shriveled) cojones to pull that off, just get someone to write your essays for you! You're a college athlete: start acting like one!
So, a lesson for all of you senior citizens out there reading this (Hey Grandfather! Uncle Cal! Maybe?), whenever you find yourself staring down an NCAA rules infraction or even one of those pesky drug tests (Centrum Silver is one of those legal gray areas I think), do the simple thing: get someone else to take your tests for you.